My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Randomize
