Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
Randomize
