dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Randomize
