Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
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