I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
Randomize
