You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
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when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
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Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
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