Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
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