i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
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