My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
ttyl tear gas
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Randomize
