I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
Randomize
