we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
