How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
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