grandma shit on top of the toilet
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
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