Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
Randomize
