can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
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