The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
27 People Confess The Worst Jobs They’ve Ever Had
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
25 People Confess Their Terrifying Stalker Stories
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.