I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize
