if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
My bed smells like the plague
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
Randomize
