awww and there was just a proposal on stage with the pussycat dolls !!!!!
Did someone propose they get off the stage?
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
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