Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
