Capitaan dildo arrescate!
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
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