i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
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