Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
