Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
drinking out of a sandbucket again
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
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