you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
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