he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
Too much gin, very little bucket
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
