you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
