my mouth tastes like poor choices
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
Randomize
