I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
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