how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
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