2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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