Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
"women exchanges sex for chips" on msnbc
damn even the hoes are getting hit by this economy
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
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