i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Randomize
