i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
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