I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
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