I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize
