oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
