I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
