soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize
