It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
Randomize
