I need help removing her.
I swear she didn't look like that last week.
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize
