my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
Randomize
