Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
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