I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
jump out the window naked night went bad
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
Randomize
