Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Randomize
