go do what you do best...puke behind churches
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
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