Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
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