I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
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