WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
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