haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
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