I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
Randomize
