I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
