Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
