2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
Randomize
