isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
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