so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
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