i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
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