well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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