So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
Randomize
