Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
