we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
True strength comes from lack of pants
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
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